In December, the young ladies begin to take stock, and marital status remains one of the main issues for many. “Why doesn’t he marry, if we have been living together for four years?” You ask yourself. “When will he finally marry you?” – Mom does not appease. And if your knight cannot give an intelligible answer, we will..
Elena (27 years old) and Vadim (28 years old) have known each other for five years, they have been living together for three years. But Vadim is in no hurry to offer his beloved hand and heart, although Elena has repeatedly told him that she passionately wants to legitimize the relationship: “On the eve of the last New Year, it seemed to me that our life would change dramatically. In the wake of waiting for updates and changes, I told my loved one: “We are so good with you, let’s get married!” How can you refuse such an offer, especially on New Year’s Eve? But he replied, “I won’t discuss it today. And in general, it’s too early for us to think about it “.
Darling, why do we need this?
A similar story is shared by Julia (26 years old). To her proposal to marry, the beloved man replied: “I don’t see the point in this. Wedding doesn’t change anything, this is a stupid ritual“. Yulia continued to insist and heard in response: “These stereotypes were inspired by your mother. So contact her with these questions, not me. “.
And there are a lot of such stories: women, tired of waiting for an offer, start a conversation on a matrimonial topic themselves and instead of a wedding ring receive similar answers. Few people think they are exhaustive, so for a long time after the conversation, the girls torment themselves with the question: “Why doesn’t he marry me?”
What’s with him, doctor?
“These stereotypes were inspired by your mother. So contact her and not me with this question. “.
To dot the i’s, the WDay.ru portal turned to professional psychologists. “No matter how a man explains his unwillingness to marry, the reason is only one: he feels that this step will not change his life for the better, “says Dina Ekba.
“A man is considered to be a thick-skinned creature., but life shows that this is not so: everything that concerns him, he feels as sensitively as a woman. The only difference is that he does not show these feelings, ”explains the psychologist. Only the man who is absolutely sure that the wedding will be a new stage in his life and that legalized relationships will bear fruit for both. When a man does not have such confidence, no manipulation by a woman will solve the issue..
Practicing coach-consultant, author of a unique methodology for positive changes in life, including work with hereditary problems and energy management.
Leads his blog in LJ.
There can be many reasons
Psychologist Ekaterina Kozlova names several reasons for not wanting to get married. First of all, it’s about nature: she put different programs in a man and a woman. A woman is looking for a partner with whom she will create a couple, give birth to children and grow old. A man, on the other hand, seeks to meet with the maximum number of women in order to share his biological material with them. To do this, he needs to feel independent, and the bonds of marriage can prevent him from doing this..
Many men make plans for life, in which the wedding may simply be left out..
Another reason is logic and desire to achieve success. Many men make plans for life without taking into account the wedding. Perhaps, in the near future, your beloved intends to complete his studies, give a loan and gain a foothold at work. And he does not have a chic holiday with a subsequent trip..
The third reason is he is looking for a “star”, the ideal woman, and therefore looks for flaws in every real girl. This may be due to the fact that in the parental family he was idolized, but brought up dependent and dependent. He needs an impeccable woman in order to be a “mirror” reflecting his own impeccable image.
Well forgotten old
The reasons for not wanting to get married can be incredibly deep, and the man himself may not even be aware of this..
The reasons for not wanting to marry can be incredibly deep, and the man himself may not even be aware of this. Dina Ekba talks about one of her clients: “His father married at the age of twenty-eight, and a year later, when his son was born, his mother passed away “.
The young man who contacted me was twenty-seven, and his girlfriend said she was pregnant. The man was tormented by a subconscious fear that history would repeat itself and that marriage and the birth of a child would entail the death of his mother. It was this fear that prevented him from proposing to his girlfriend..
Ekaterina Kozlova also speaks about the connection with the past. The reason for not wanting to marry may be related to motherly love.. If the mother loved her son very much, hugged him and kissed him all the time, cleaned up his things, demanded a full report and was offended whenever he was unhappy with something, the boy could grow up with an unconscious fear to repeat this situation: “If I allow someone if I love myself, I will get bogged down in the needs of this person and lose my freedom and independence “.
Who is warned.
The next time you talk to your beloved man about the wedding, try to be more attentive to him. Suddenly you will see in his answers a problem you can solve together. And who knows, maybe after that you will become the owner of the coveted wedding ring..