The dating industry has long and firmly occupied its niche in virtual reality.
Specialized websites and mobile apps are the easiest way to not only see, but also talk to the person you like. Although there are pitfalls here. What turns men off in women’s profiles and profiles? Male view from our columnist Roman Galchenko.
If you generalize and go to the top, then the initial feeling of the dating sphere is extremely pleasant. A man seems to enter the world of unrealized models, each of which is open to attention. Then you gradually get used to it, and delight is replaced by boredom. The reason is simple: behind the images from corporate events, some kind of photo shoots or rest against the backdrop of yachts / mountains, you cannot see a living person. A picture is static, often fiction, retouched, with make-up and a favorable angle – in a word, this is the best that can be shown. As a result, everyone merges into one heap, as if everyone wants to be similar to someone, but in the end they are similar to each other. And I want to see a person in ordinary circumstances, alive, with flaws and not fixated on the far-fetched “bohemian” self-image.
At the same time, 90 percent of women are consistently looking for a “serious relationship”. But involuntarily there is a feeling that they want to find a money bag. In the end, sooner or later, everyone asks the question: why did this or that nice man bypassed my profile with attention? Is there something wrong with me? Here are seven of the most common mistakes women make when presenting themselves..
Uploading a photo of yourself with a bouquet or against the background of a bouquet is difficult to explain. Well, is it really? What is the point? The simplest option: I turned out so beautifully here, well, the flowers create a wonderful background, and in general I’m just a woman of dreams here. Ok, accepted. But only if you make this shot in your own photo album or an album for your friends, but not to get to know a man. Because a man sees a sign behind this. And it is not at all a sign that “I love flowers.” And a sign that they gave me and are giving me flowers. Question: who? Understandably, sometimes it’s a birthday display in the office. But we don’t know for sure. We can assume that for some reason you leave a picture from the past, where there was or is a certain boyfriend or boyfriends, well, or the former. And the attachment to the past with a desire to create a promising future does not particularly arouse interest in a man to offer it. We do not exhibit, conventionally, a cup with hearts or a watch in a box with the inscription “Beloved!” with the accompanying postscript “I am looking for a wife.” In a word, if there is a fashion for flowers on Instagram as a sign of a “beautiful life”, then for dating it is still bad manners.
The consumer world dictates its own laws, offering all sorts of things, and more often just for women. And you are being fooled. Among your photographs, images from studios in some kind of chic dress and almost on a throne are extremely common. Ummm … And the point? Well, yes, again beautiful. But who is it for? And what does this make a man understand? What kind of I’m all so feminine and difficult. But is it you? Simply put, more often a woman appears as some kind of artificial creature, and not a living person with pluses and minuses. The very same disadvantages that give it uniqueness and originality. In the end, in the end, you will still be seen for who you are. And the illusion in the picture can create a precedent for the mismatch of expectations with reality. Therefore, it is also a minus.
Yes, they often try to portray some kind of “rich image” in the photographs: they say, here I am in my car, but not just in it, but clearly make it clear that I still have very cool earrings, like a special bracelet on my arm … And this is presented as almost the most important thing. Again the question is: why? The only option: I want them to know that I am not for everyone, that I need gifts and special attention, so that I look like a real lady. But this is weakly combined with the search for the feelings or love you expect, where, nevertheless, a person comes first, and not a thing or entourage. Otherwise, it looks like an attempt to sell yourself dearly. Exactly. And this causes shock, because if we choose something of our own, it is still due to the attractive energy of the naturalness of a person in photographs, as well as to his hobbies. And the hobby of dolce twisted is an automatic association: “Do you want? Match! ” Sorry, but again this is far from warmth, comfort and dissolution in each other.
Often you can see only one or two photos in the profile, where the girl’s eyes seem to be downcast. Yes, you can see gorgeous false eyelashes, a tiny nose and an alluring chest. And what do you think gives rise to such mysteriousness in male perception? Haven’t guessed? Not a single serious thought. If you do not count the desire to fuck. Or a photo with your back to the beholder and facing the sea, where the sirloin part of the body is clearly visible and the back is flat. So what? And How? Dislike.
Many people use the particle “not” in the text of self-presentation. And this is also a big minus. Since there is a claim immediately. At the same time, the claim is from a stranger who is supposedly open and wants to get acquainted. As options: not lower, I can’t stand it, don’t even think about it, and there are many different other “nots” … This N. Ye. Causes no desire to get acquainted, because initially you still want positive and preconditions for compromises. It reminds a man of his childhood and his mother: do not touch, do not eat, do not walk, etc. We are running from this.
If you didn’t know, then I’ll reveal a banal truth: when we want to achieve success in our careers, raise salaries, sports records and other similar things in life, then when we set a specific goal, we achieve it. And this rule does not work only in one sphere – the sphere of feelings. Popular sayings and other words with the general meaning that love will come by chance are not so accidental. You can drive into your head and the surrounding space as much as you like, that you want that same “big, bright present”, but by. You can deliberately meet with this goal, and in the end, this obsession will destroy everything. Therefore, the standard expressions at the level of “only serious relationship” or “looking for love” causes a man to shrug his shoulders. It is never possible to plan anything in advance. A bunch of nuances, a lot of human manifestations in different situations, including sex, smell, gait, sense of humor and others, affect the outcome. And for this it is necessary to cognize. It is clear that you want everything at once, but it does not work. Almost any man secretly wants the same, believe me, but he is able to reveal himself when he realizes your lightness, reciprocal flirting, seductiveness, frankness, but not with persistent and specific conversation about how important it is to immediately indicate serious intentions. Before the finish line in the form of love, there are many stages of the race: lovers, friends, partners trusting each other … And you should not generalize all one size fits all, when at an early stage of acquaintance it comes to intimacy. Play along, but at the same time develop other topics yourself, open up in different directions too. Yes, if a man ignores everything else, and after ten minutes of conversation, then say goodbye, but perhaps these ten minutes will give you the opportunity to consider not only an animal in him, but also an interesting person. And stop pretending to deny that you don’t like sex. In a relationship between two, it is extremely important, and it is better not to be complex, but to be able to discuss its aspects as well, so that later on an intimate level you do not hope for an “ideal”, but create the prerequisites for it yourself.
This is also about the initial positioning. Of the 90 percent who want the very “serious relationship”, 70 along the way show their own “lifestyle” through photos or words. Restaurants, resorts, cars, out of nowhere carpet runners and similar secular tinsel. It is an eternal desire to be a “star”, although the niche is already occupied by professionals from the film and music industry. For you, these are fragmentary scraps of life, and not a real picture of reality. But for some reason you show them. This means that this is also a request to maintain an imaginary or desired level. Ladies, well, this scares off men with serious intentions. Yes, also due to the fact that for the majority in the current economic situation with finances, everything is not so sweet. But also because family is more about home comfort, general budget and reasonable planning, and not about parties, eternal travel and the desire to grab something bright and unnecessary first.
As a result, be yourself, you should not be afraid of it. If you are at home, disheveled, drinking wine with friends in woolen socks, then it is better to put this frame in your profile. Or rollerblading and cycling instead of playing golf. And if you want to directly “only have a serious relationship”, then, conventionally, it is more varied to write: “I don’t think or deny, although I really want to (here is a smiley of a heart)”. It is always more important not definitions and desires, but a person with similar interests, views, able to accept you real in socks, and not artificial in Icon. The simpler your approach, the greater the chance of meeting truly “your” person. And only collectors of candy wrappers are led on the wrapper.