Sometimes we think if the person is nearby, we are tormented, we feel insecure, but we still cannot sort everything out. Relationship consultant, writer and founder of the Good Wife School of Women’s Wisdom Olga Krainova knows exactly how to weigh the pros and cons before making the right decision.
Do you often observe a situation when a woman in marriage is clearly ahead of her husband in all moral qualities? But what about moral, by all criteria by which it is possible to make an elementary comparison.
– She is successfully building a career, and he is lying on the couch and waiting for the “perfect” job offer.
– She wants to develop and grow, learn something new, educate herself, he believes that you can study until 35, and then it’s too late.
– She meets interesting people, learns something new, her life is in full swing, and he is only jealous of her, rude and shows his “masculinity” in insulting his wife.
Of course, there are difficult periods in the life of every couple, and the ability to overcome them with the least loss and the least distance from each other is an important skill for any family. But how to understand in time that this is a temporary cooling of feelings or an initially wrong choice of a partner. Answer yourself to these simple questions and a lot may clear up in your head:
Ask yourself the question: “Do I respect this man?” Do not “love”, namely “do I respect him”.
For what in general can you respect a man? Here are some answers:
– For taking care of the woman and his family.
– For the fact that he earns money and feeds his family. Or at least he strives for this, and does not sit on a woman’s neck.
– For helping her solve her problems.
– For sharing with her the responsibility for raising children, and not dumping all the worries on her.
– For being respectful of her, and not shouting at her in front of other people and not making her ridicule.
– For the fact that you can rely on him in difficult times, and when a problem arises, he does not push it onto his wife and does not eliminate himself.
– Because he is patient with women’s whims and knows that after PMS everything will work out again.
If your man does even half of this list, that’s fine. If he does everything on this list, he is almost perfect. But if you drag the whole house on yourself, you solve all the problems yourself, only you are involved in raising children, if he does only pleasant things from the list of necessary things, think about whether a real man should behave?
Ask yourself the second question: “How equal are we in social position?”
If you have a good education, if you speak five languages, if you read the biographies of great people and admire them, if you grow up and strive for great heights, answer yourself: what is your husband? Does he need development?
If he needs peace of mind, work until 6 pm, then dinner on the couch with a can of beer before the show, you will have a conflict, sooner or later. You will go to work, meet smart, interesting men there, and you will understand that your husband is far behind any of them..
You will be admired by completely different men – ambitious, daring and brave, just like yourself, and every time you return home, you will compare them with your husband, and the comparison will not be in his favor. In addition, when semi-business receptions will be arranged, at which you will need to be present with your spouse, at some point you will catch yourself thinking that you are ashamed to show him in your company of successful people..
Ask yourself the third question: “Am I looking at other men?”
Women are such creatures that if they are unhappy with their partner, even on a deeply subconscious level, they “notice” other men. If a woman’s “topic” with her partner is not closed or is unclear, or she suffers from doubts, then most likely she notes other men. And he always conducts a comparative analysis for himself. A person who has no doubts, who is confident in choosing a partner, who wants to build his life with a certain person, as a rule, does not consider other men as a substitute for his partner. It’s not about wanting to have an affair. The question is whether the woman admits the smallest, hypothetical probability of replacing her existing partner with a more interesting character. If she admits, then with almost one hundred percent certainty we can say that this is not the man she needs. This thought will live in her head, she will compare, choose and look for the best options for herself..
The fourth step is to honestly assess his human qualities..
How decent and honest he is can be understood not when he is quiet, calm and content, but precisely when he is irritated, frightened or tired. Only critical situations show a person’s true face.
– How does he behave in disputes?
– How he behaves at work in relation to competitors, employer, staff and others?
– How does he behave in the fight?
If he goes to any extremes and meanness to get his way, this is a very bad sign. And there is no need to think that “it is he who treats others this way, I am a dear person to him.” If a person has disgusting ideas about life and morality, then at any time you can stop being “your man” for him and then you will feel all the consequences of his character. Notice that hot temper and inner kindness are two different things. If a person is quick-tempered, this does not mean that he is angry, it only speaks of his temperament. The question of what actions and words he allows himself in moments of anger.
And finally, the fifth point. It is very important – this is his attitude towards parents.
If he is rude to his parents, people close to him, be sure that after a while he will treat you the same way. If in his head there is a stable pattern of how to communicate with his own family, then this pattern will be transferred to you. Sooner or later, he will treat you in the same way as he treats his relatives – either respectfully, taking the time and listening to all the problems, or dismissively, showing that you are causing him a lot of inconvenience..
If, after answering these five questions, you come to the conclusion that your man is a miracle, which are no longer released, then congratulations! For such a person, you can try, make efforts, save your marriage and go through life together, overcoming difficulties and enjoying every day. And what about those who realized that the man with whom you are bound by promises of love and fidelity, to put it mildly, is not suitable for you? There are two guidelines here: