Between two fires: how to behave if friends get divorced

Or how to unobtrusively help a loved one to overcome a crisis period of life.

Unfortunately, in our time, the statistics of marriages and divorces are very sad. According to Rosstat, in Russia the total number of marriages per year accounts for about 60% of divorces. That is, a huge number of people are faced with this problem. But imagine that your close friend or girlfriend was also in such a difficult situation and felt for himself what a divorce is. How do you behave in order to support a loved one, help him, and not harm?

First, don’t make the situation worse.!

There is no need to rush to a friend with a bottle of alcohol and offer to throw out negative emotions by breaking a bunch of dishes in the house and throwing away all the gifts given by your ex-partner! Understand that a divorce and a quarrel, even a major one, are two different things! After a quarrel or parting, emotions are boiling that can be thrown out, and then cool down and soberly weigh everything, evaluate mistakes, and your own, and already talk with a cool head with your loved one.

Divorce is something bigger and scarier. People decided to disperse completely, not temporarily. They will have to divide not only property, cats and children, but also their lives into “before” and “after”. Their personal end of the world takes place in their souls, when it seems that the world has collapsed. Therefore, as a friend, you need to be as empathetic and caring as possible. Do not rush to give examples of your divorced acquaintances about how hard it was for them at first, but then everything calmed down and everyone started a new, happy life. Do not put pressure on your loved one with loud phrases and passionate speeches. Just be there!

Be tactful

Being around and supporting and being an annoying helper are two different things. Do not forget that this is not your personal life, and you have no right to get into it with hands and feet. Therefore, there is no need to write a photo of a friend on Instagram: “Pretty girl! Let him know who he lost! ” This will not make a divorced person any better. On the contrary, the fact that his personal life will become a national property will only irritate. Why should everyone know about what is happening ?! Do not wash dirty linen in public, especially since it is not your dirty linen and not your hut!

And, of course, do not forget that someone else’s family is darkness. You do not know all the secrets of the couple, even if you consider them the very, very best friends. Therefore, leave your reasons to yourself, how you should have acted, who is more to blame and why.

Don’t be insensitive

Tactless to creep in with your advice to a loved one is bad, but insensitivity is also a bad idea! Many friends, faced with the divorce of loved ones, believe that it is better not to remind of the divorce, so as not to give the person a reason to be sad. So they just don’t talk about it, ignore the topic and pretend like nothing happened. This is wrong too!

It is important and necessary to talk about it! Of course, unless the person himself asks you not to remind you of the divorce. Help of loved ones – in sympathy and support. Try to tactfully conduct conversations about someone else’s personal life. As a rule, people during a divorce period just need to speak out, they need to be heard. Therefore, you just have to ask the correct questions and listen! Yes, for you this is not the most fun activity, because divorces only do what they say about how hard and bad it is for them. But if you are a good friend and really want to help, you will have to listen to the same thing for hours and even days..