Some men do not believe in love at first sight, others confuse it with bachelor despair, others skillfully and cynically imitate. How first impressions affect relationships?
Columnist Alexei Karaulov spoke about how men evaluate women in the first few seconds of their acquaintance:
– When a man says: “I immediately realized that all my life I was looking for someone like you!” – it can mean different things. For example: “Come to me sooner.” Or: “God grant that we get married in the next six months, otherwise I, as usual, will change my mind.” But we rarely put a literal meaning in this phrase. Yes, alas. Some men do not believe in love at first sight at all, others confuse it with bachelor despair, and still others skillfully and cynically imitate.
However, it cannot be said that we did not attach any importance to the first contact. Firstly, within 5-6 seconds we evaluate your appearance (and if the neckline is low enough, then 2-3 seconds are enough). And this impression is imprinted in the mind for a long time. For many, it even overshadows subsequent discoveries: that jeans were slimming, and lenses gave an interesting shade to the eyes. Secondly, in the first seconds of dating a man can understand a lot about your character and even sexual preferences. Smile, hairstyle, gait – all these non-verbal signals can give you away..
Here is a list of just the most obvious things that a man can guess about long before you blurt it out..
1. “I can see that you are confident”
Almost every one of us, entering a cafe or crawling onto the dance floor, can at first glance separate modest women from self-confident ones, even if the latter are not wearing police uniforms or black latex. What’s the secret? In the ability to withstand my gaze! Forgive me for these offensive analogies, but in the world of wild animals it is not customary to stare at each other. There, an open look is aggression, an invitation to fight, so the weakling immediately looks away. Oddly enough, the same thing happens in the world of wild people, and not only between men. A confident woman looks at a man openly, and if she meets his eyes, she does not start to giggle silly and does not look away, dropping false eyelashes into the glass. If you smile at me, inviting me to make the next move, but do not break eye contact, then you are confident. There are also indirect signs: for example, you do not cross your legs, but sit with your knees slightly apart. But if you lasso me with your eyes, then I’m hardly going to look at your legs..
2. “I immediately realized that it’s better not to mess with you.”
Let’s call this hypertrophied flirtation. If a woman in the first seconds of acquaintance does one of the following: licks her lips or begins to fluff her hair so intensely, as if she is trying to drive out a raccoon that has settled there, we are alarmed. It is very bad if she initiates tactile contact in the first seconds. For example, he casually touches my hand or presses his chest against me. Professional strippers do this on purpose to beg for more tips – but why do you need it?
3. “I bet you are already taken”
The woman immediately shows whether she is in love with someone or no longer. And it’s not even about the wedding ring, which is firmly embedded in the finger, it just can be covered with foundation. A woman whose heart is not free will never look at a man appraisingly. A bored, cursory, poorly focused look is the maximum we can count on if you are busy. Even if a man turns out to be handsome, a woman in love with someone else will never try to meet his eyes or simply stare at him for more than 1 second. This is universal, which is why some losers have learned to carry a nice friend with them everywhere to separate free women from busy ones..
4. “You seem to have lost.”
This behavior occurs in two cases: if you came to a party with a friend or if I had the nerve to do it. How many times have I happened to see one woman instinctively narrow her eyes when looking at her or my companion. This is a sure sign of suppressed competitiveness. A person who feels her inferiority (even imaginary) in front of her friend or just any other woman in the room always behaves in a certain way: she speaks louder, gesticulates more actively and tries, if not to incinerate her rival with a glance, then at least wipe her from me, close her from mine look with your (most often prone to fullness) body. If the purpose of my outing is sex (no matter with whom and how high-quality), then such women are a real gift for me. Otherwise, I will try to stay away from them or ask a kamikaze friend to take them on myself..
5. “It’s clear to me that you are not against sex.”
I will not vouch about your love for sex in general, but the fact that you do not mind doing it with me became obvious to me as soon as I entered this bar. No mysticism – ordinary physiology. When you see a man, you subconsciously evaluate him. All this happens in a matter of seconds and is often unnoticed by you. But at the end we get a standard reaction: slight discomfort in the lower abdomen and a desire to urgently do something with the legs. A woman’s legs are generally the best indicator of her arousal. If, at the sight of me, a beautiful stranger squeezes her knees, or throws her legs over her legs, or begins to gently wiggle her toe, this clearly betrays her intentions. It’s great if a girl plays with a shoe, shaking her toe. Although the bar just might get too hot …
6. “I know you would like to change your boyfriend.”
I could give one example from my biography, but I’m afraid it will cost me a black eye if that guy suddenly finds me. Therefore, I will describe how it happens in general. When a man meets a woman who already lives with someone (meets / is), he can always assess how strong the relationship of the couple is. This can be understood even after seeing a random couple in a cafe. You, as usual, are betrayed by your eyes. If, when meeting me, you cast an instinctive glance at my strategically important points – boots, face and butt – then you are mentally still in search and do not consider your companion the final option. There are also more minor signs: for example, you are not laughing at his jokes, but only smiling tightly. But if I caught that look, I don’t even have to look for new evidence. Better to look for a stool or other weapon with your eyes – in case your closet-like companion also intercepted it.
7. “I realized that I finally found you”
I met my future wife, no matter how banal, at a beauty contest. I could not help but notice that she is very smart and purposeful (any man immediately understands this at the sight of frivolous flowers on translucent underwear). But even this did not determine my fate. The fact is that, going up to her, I uttered the most idiotic phrase I could think of: “Wow, what an interesting number you have, you can turn it upside down!” And although she did hold a sign with the number “69” in her hands, this did not diminish the hopelessness of the situation. However, she looked at me and smiled. And it was not a flirtatious grimace – it was exactly what every man dreams of seeing: a polite questioning smile that excuses my idiocy and invites me to speak further. It is from this reaction that we understand that we can no longer pretend that here she is, that same woman. Most of what I learned about my future wife the moment she smiled that smile turned out to be true..