Psychologist on what mistakes couples face and how to fix them.
A harmonious relationship is not at all luck and accident, as many people think. On the contrary, it is constant work on yourself. But do not take it as something difficult, routine, it is care, love and interest in your inner world..
Psychologist, addiction expert, coach.
I tell you how to keep a family, build relationships and return romantic love and sexual attraction.
Even in childhood, we were taught that we must always be good, help others and not show bad character traits. What does this lead to? You do not know how to refuse a person, you are worried that you will offend him or you will be blacklisted. But this is far from the case! As a result, sacrificial women turn into strong, independent women. Women like the Atlanteans hold on their shoulders a family, children, several jobs, and also husbands who are in a constant creative and professional crisis.
The male principle in such a marriage dies, for him, and so everything was decided for years to come, his task is simply to be, as a fact. Learn to ask, start with small requests, and show your husband with words and behavior that you are grateful for his help. Weakness is not a vice, it is the ability to lean on a strong shoulder. Be prepared that everything will not work out right away, but remember: water wears away a stone.
2. A game of rivalry
Who has never tried to show their power and intelligence in front of a partner? What seemed like a fun game in the beginning can turn into an irreconcilable struggle. Home is a place of comfort and harmony, and not a field of strategic action and competition: whoever earns more, climbs the career ladder better, communicates brighter with friends. Remember the phrase: husband and wife are one Satan. Be a team, not rivals!
3. Discussion of problems with strangers
Don’t let your friends and family talk badly about your significant other or compare you. Leave dirty linen and skeletons in the closet in the family, and if you are angry with a loved one, meeting with friends is an excuse to switch to another topic, and not wash his bones. Respect your own choice!
4. Underestimating non-verbal cues
Although the sweetest period in a relationship has passed, this is not a reason to forget about tenderness and affection. We are all tactile, we love hugging, stroking, touching. Scientists have proven that half an hour of hugs radically changes mood and helps to develop the hormone of love – oxytocin.
5. Wicked irony
An abundance of sarcasm in communication and angry banter at each other can sometimes lead to an increase in irritability and hidden aggression. Sometimes a couple of caustic jokes can spice up a conversation, but when it develops into regular practice, the relationship can lose intimacy and trust..
6. You don’t meet your husband from work wrong
When a man comes home from work, he needs to rest for 20-30 minutes. Wait for your loved one to relax and eat, and do not meddle with conversations. Usually a woman who sits at home with children wants communication and immediately makes contact. And the man has not yet disconnected from work and stress. Better hug him, make him feel like you’ve been waiting for him, help him take off his coat and groom.
7. Raised intonation and harsh communication
When most of the communication takes place in a raised voice, any requests are perceived harshly and sound like an order, the relationship dies. Remember that your partner has his own character and defense mechanisms that have been developed throughout his life. It is possible that in his childhood, requests were conveyed in a raised voice. If your conversations start out harsh, speak in a softer voice. Talk about yourself and your feelings, and not about how bad he is, but about a specific situation.
8. Ignoring his requests
Once I was on a picnic with friends and saw this picture: a guy asks his girlfriend to put a sandwich in his plate, and the girl answers in front of everyone: “Can’t you yourself?” In the end, another girl came up and put him this sandwich. It’s easy to imagine how this relationship will end if you don’t start working on it. When a man wants to be cared for, he looks for it from you – appreciate it and show respect. The same goes for men..
9. Disrespect and criticism
The charming candy-bouquet period passed and everyone relaxed. It seems that the partner has become understandable, familiar and always patient. Disrespect begins exactly at the moment when people relax with each other and the understanding comes that the partner is not going anywhere. You begin to communicate in the way that was customary in your family, passing out comments and criticism left and right instead of encouraging words..
The more unpleasant moments you allow, the more they become – it starts with sick criticism and comes to rudeness. Immediately try to stop such behavior and explain what is unpleasant for you. Most likely, in your environment there is an example of a man who behaved differently with different women. The reason is simple: one allowed to treat her in this way, the other respected herself and did not allow her to go beyond comfortable boundaries..
Pay attention to the expression on your man’s face. Look at the photos, ask your friends if you need. Note that it is important for a man to see a contented girl with him. At this moment, he realizes that everything is in order, he can rest and relax. If you are often unhappy, sad, or your facial expression conveys arrogance, irritability, then the man also begins to twitch. He simply feels that he is not coping. Very often, partners believe that a loved one will normally respond to closeness, frown. But, you must admit, a bad mood can be a couple of times a week, and not constantly. Nobody likes to constantly see a “gloomy cloud” next to them. Track your facial expressions and try to smile more.